FissionMailed

[A figure in a ragged trenchcoat storms through the building's front door, slams it behind him, belatedly realizes this implies he has actually been outside the building, and spends a few seconds looking nonplussed before returning to his previous grim determination. This largely consists of gesticulating wildly and ranting at thin air, or perhaps at a potted plant sitting forlornly in the center of the lobby.]

Fine! I'll go it alone! Don't need no messed-up kid tellin' me how t'run my life! I'm rebellin', baby! My own man! My own boss! Don't got th' time? Make time! 'Cause I got a few things t'tell you-

[A sixteen ton weight drops from... somewhere and lands about three inches away from the tips of his toes. The breeze nearly blows his hat off. But not snow, nor sleet, nor sixteen ton weights will deter Octopus from his self-righteous raving.] Godmod me, willya? I see how it... uh. [It suddenly occurs to him exactly how inane a remark that was.]

Look, princess, I'm fed up with yer excuses. Call this busy? Yer life won't be "busy" fer another four'r five months yet. An' don't tell me yer not in some theoretical groove, 'cause clearly I am gettin' along just fine. To hell with the rest of 'em - if I'm th' last one draggin' you back here then so be it. My voice will be heard! [Alain adjusts his fedora to what he deems to be a ruggedly determined angle, tries to find the proper direction to glare in, and ends up glaring at the aforementioned plant.] Even if I gotta take matters into my own hands.

[YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT, BITCHES well okay just th' one. Maybe two.]

[[THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY. Let's see how unhiatusing goes this time!]]

[Today is Octopus' birthday! Not that he's real clear on what exactly birthdays count for after your're dead, but anyway...

Conveniently enough, the roof is decked out for a luau-themed birthday party... tiki torches, drinks with little umbrellas in, the works. All it's missing is a guest of honor...

And here he is!]

Happy birthday t' me, man! [Octopus plonks a pointy hat on his head and helps himself to some cake. He's a grown adult and can have the cake whenever he likes!]

[[Everyone's invited! :3 EXCEPT OWL CAUSE HE'S A JERKFACE]]

[Proving that the building really does have everything, Octopus has found a room filled with nothing but quilts, hundreds of boxes of tissue, lots of cold medicine, and a humidifier. He's nested himself somewhere in the center of the room, sniffling miserably.]

Damn. I shouda brought a book.

[Oh wait, there's a book over there... Lady Chatterley's Lover? Eh. Sounds boring. He tosses it away with a shrug.]

[[Look everyone, it's a room for all the sick people who either can't get any or are completely oblivious to the cure for what ails them! Come sit around and sniffle with Octopus unless Raven shows up in which case he is so outta here!]]

[Octopus is wandering the halls, not wearing his trenchcoat for once. There was so much blood on it after his murder and defacing, that he's looking for a new one. There's also the matter of where the hell his fedora's gotten to. At least his plushies are fine, safely stowed away in his room (on a high shelf so Mulciber doesn't chew on 'em).

Trying to find a magical trenchcoat room or whatever the hell he's looking for is taking a while though, so he's pretty thirsty by the time he passes by a soda machine. Hmmm. There's no coin slot, so he hits a random button. Sure enough, a cold can of something-or-other drops down with a ka-CHUNK.

Ah, a cold, refreshing beverage. Siiiiiiiip. Mmm, orange-- Ow, what th-?

...he's grown wings. Huge, pretty, orange-and-brown butterfly wings.]

Sonuvabitch!

[...he'll need a new shirt too, having just had his ripped open by a sprouting pair of freaking butterfly wings.]

[[Have a soda! All the sodas in this machine will make you grow wings for a few days. Wings that suspiciously reflect upon one's personality (for the love of god, have a soda, steampunk Ocelot). Share and enjoy!]]

[Octopus has found a room with a pleasantly cool place in the mountains within. There's a multitude of small, spring-fed pools of water spread out around the door, some with tall, upright bamboo poles sticking out of them.]

Heh. Kinda nice in here. ...tranquil.

[He wades into one of the nearby pools- except it's a lot deeper than he thought, so he plunges to the bottom instead. A few seconds later she resurfaces, sputtering.] Dammi-- !!!

Crap, there's genderbendin' water too? [She hoists her sodden self from the pool and sits upon the grass, muttering to herself as she wrings out her hat and coat.] Least it'll only last a few days...

[[That's right, Octopus has found the cursed Jusenkyo springs of Ranma 1/2, by now one of the most convenient excuses for genderbending in any fandom! Of course, you don't have to fall into the Spring of Drowned Girl/Boy (unless you were originally one and are looking for a cure, that is), you could turn into a panda or a ninja or a shota or a jackalope... Regardless, you won't be yourself again until you're splashed with hot water, after which you'll be back to normal... until your next contact with cold water, that is... BWAHAHA.

Or, y'know, you could just mock Octopus' plight. Especially since she's wearing a white t-shirt with no bra....]]

[[Soooooo apparently that Quote War of epicawesomecool? Got deleted somehow. Uh. Anyway, if anyone cares to carry on (Sunny-mun said she did!), c'mon in here... Octopus' previous participation has been transcribed from memory here, if anyone cares. And the way it was going, uh. Someone just might.]]

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.