Q&A Session

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Oddly enough, part of the Nexus seems to have morphed into stone walls and wooden doors more befitting of a castle than a Nexus building. Those who investigate the change might discover a cantankerous old gnome of a man sitting in one of those rooms.]

[The Magician of Information, Good Magician Humfrey, is not at all pleased to have been summoned away from his castle in Xanth. Now he's stuck in a drearily Mundane world, and will doubtlessly be pestered with Questions now that his challenges have been dismantled.]

[Maybe he'll be able to re-use some older ones...]

[((Humfrey knows the Answer to any Question someone might have, but he might charge a service for answering it or put pun-related challenges in the way of inquiring minds...))]

Comments

1/2

[prepare2fight.livejournal.com]

Who's that? [James pointed.]

2/2

[surrendernowor.livejournal.com]

Who cares! Maybe he has some rare Pokemon!

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[The wrinkled old man doesn't even glance up from his tome. It's been a while since he'd last had a bit of fun with "visitors".]

If you're new servants, there is laundry to be done in the next room and the windows need washing.

1/2

[surrendernowor.livejournal.com]

Servants! We're not your servants, old man!

2/2

[prepare2fight.livejournal.com]

That's right, now why don't you hand over those precious Pokemon before you find yourself in a precarious position!

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Humfrey finally glances up, looking decidedly unimpressed. In facts, it's the sort of stern, mildly disappointed sort of gaze that one would receive from a teacher after failing a test. Or a boss who has once again been let down.]

There are no Pokemon here; only Answers. Unless you have come to bargain, then you should leave me be. There is more knowledge to be learned and I haven't time to waste on the ignorant.

1/2

[surrendernowor.livejournal.com]

Please, There's nothing you could possibly tell us that we don't already know!

2/2

[prepare2fight.livejournal.com]

Well, we don't know how to catch that twerp's Pikachu...

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[FWUMP!]

[The large book opens and the Magician starts flipping through the heavily cross-referenced pages, grumbling.]

Alternate universes, Demon Earth...hmm...Mundane, Pokemon, Pikachu...hrmph...Twerp.

[After a moment, he looks over his reading spectacles at the intruders.]

To catch what you desire requires you to obtain Main Character: Protagonist, stature.

[afj1]

...Heey, what's this?

[There is a young man peering into the dusty hallways...]

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Humfrey grumbles at the new interruption.]

This is my castle that you have barged into.

[afj1]

....Ooooh! [Alfred grins.]

Are you supposed to be the evil magician, or something?

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[The gnomish man scowls further]

Or something.

I am the Magician of Information; now either ask your Question or stop wasting my time.

[There are books to be read and things to be cataloged, after all!]

[afj1]

...Question? So you answer questions? Gotcha.

[Alfred is thinking about this.]

Say...Do you have any idea what I should give to Arthur for his birthday this year?

[Arthur=England, and also Alfred's ex-mentor and sort of big bro.]

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[He peers at the young nation over the top of his reading spectacles for a moment, just long enough to make the man fidget and drive home the inanity of his Question. After his point has been made, the Magician opens his tome and searches for the Answer. It's terribly tempting to simply answer "Yes", but he isn't willing to put up with being insulted for answering a badly formed Query.]

A gift to show affection of not only the country, but the man. Consider something that has special meaning to him.

[afj1]

...Hmmm. [Alfred thinks about this.]

So... A fish and chips maker?

[Alfred is one of the few people in the world who can actually eat Arthur's cooking.]

Or maybe some marmalade...

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

Old man. You look like you might know something useful.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[The look Humfrey sends at the Mundane could only be described as caustic. The gnomish man is sitting in a study crowded with books, spells, and other such sundry items.]

[After being interrupted twice prior to now, the Magician is even more curmudgeonly than usual. Perhaps a fee would desist the incessant disruptions? Humfrey puts on his most grumpy attitude as he answers the ignorant brute.]

What have you got to trade?

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[Liquid thinks of saying, "your life," but he decides to start out civil. He can bring out threats when he needs to.]

Here? Anything you can think of.

Or I could do a trade of services. Is there anyone you need killed?

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[The wizened old man snorts and his eyes return to the overly large book opened in front of him, clearly unimpressed.]

If I needed someone dead I would take care of it myself, Mundane.

Normally I charge one year's service or the equivalent thereof. I suppose you're brutish and hulking enough to serve as a Challenge to drive off the frivolous.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

A year? Don't be an idiot. I have better things to do than be a dwarf's doorman.

[he tosses his hair] Ah well. I doubt you'd know the answer anyway.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Absently correcting him] That's gnome to you. And I said "usually". I'll only be here for a few days; charging a year would be pointless.

I have no reason to give something for nothing. Your Question is obviously not worth my time if you give up so quickly.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[Liquid pauses and turns back.] I never said I was giving up.

What do you want, then? Heads on a platter are my standard offering, but I can be more resourceful when necessary.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

Hrmph.

[He gets out of his chair and opens a low cupboard to fetch out an empty glass vial.]

One of the earlier bumbling fools broke open a bottle of Sleeping potion; get me more from the Nexus. I don't have time to bother searching myself.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

Something to put someone to sleep? Easy enough. It might be in the form of a cupcake or something equally bloody ridiculous, however.

[He takes the vial. There has to be something like that around here.]

[He knows this is a long shot. What are the odds some ancient, doubtlessly perverted creature from another world can tell him what he needs to know?]

First I need to know if this is even worth bothering with. Is it within your power to tell me how to change my fate, or if it even can be changed?

And if you play any semantic tricks to count that as my question, I will crush you into a bloody gnome-shaped smear.