Q&A Session

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Oddly enough, part of the Nexus seems to have morphed into stone walls and wooden doors more befitting of a castle than a Nexus building. Those who investigate the change might discover a cantankerous old gnome of a man sitting in one of those rooms.]

[The Magician of Information, Good Magician Humfrey, is not at all pleased to have been summoned away from his castle in Xanth. Now he's stuck in a drearily Mundane world, and will doubtlessly be pestered with Questions now that his challenges have been dismantled.]

[Maybe he'll be able to re-use some older ones...]

[((Humfrey knows the Answer to any Question someone might have, but he might charge a service for answering it or put pun-related challenges in the way of inquiring minds...))]

Comments

So evil.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[In a better mood than it would seem. Some hope for his future is better than none. He'd almost forgotten what it's like not to be doomed. If he ever knew.]

You mean to say you're an inscrutable prat on purpose.

[He moves some papers and what appears to be a stuffed owl off of an armchair and sits down.]

[...]

Do you happen to be related to Vulcan Raven?

Dastardly, even

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

It's in my nature.

[The bespectacled man raises an eyebrow but says nothing. It's unusual for people to want to stay in his company after getting their answer; perhaps he was becoming soft in his old age.]

There is the vaguest notion of a chance. Xanth and Mundania meet up at different points in time; it is theoretically possible that some relative of his was part of the Waves.

Nearly impossible to discover, though. One would think not, considering our differences in stature.

Or bastardly.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[snorts] You're the one who just told me my nature could be overcome.

[Liquid's friendly that way. Also he wants to see what other information he can get from the man. Or to find out how reliable his information is. He could easily be telling him only what he wanted to hear.]

[He is almost immediately distracted.] Where and where meet?

Waves? [The Inuit do have significant ties to the ocean. Liquid groans.] Tell me you're not speaking in metaphors.

Positively crewel

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

Your nature is to be dramatic and theatrical.

[Liquid's are notoriously easily distracted by such oddities. Humfrey is mentally counting down the time to when this one decides to explore more of the magical items in the office.]

Xanth and Mundania. I am from the land of Xanth, which is magical. The rest of the world has no such magic and is referred to as Mundania. I know you Mundanes have your own names for whatever bits and pieces of land you've carved out, but it's all drearily mundane to us.

Hardly. On occasion, the borders of Xanth and Mundania with meet up, allowing a wave of Mundane invaders into the land. Usually the brutish folk rape and pillage the countryside for a few years before settling down into villages. It's a mixed blessing.

Save meeeee

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[surprised] How did you know?

By "magic" you mean a sufficiently advanced technology.

[At least it's not a metaphor.]

Yes, that could be useful... [already making an invasion plan.]

/Evil chuckle

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

I am the Magician of Information.

By "magic" I mean Magic. Xanth is a land where magic exists and puns are literal. Anyone native to it has one magic talent unique to that individual, however small. Such talents can range from changing the colors of white popcorn to transforming living creatures.

[Yeah, he knows what Liquid's probably thinking.] Nowadays we get new human blood through a more civilized method of immigration, of course. It's been a few decades since the last invasion nearly wiped out our civilization and we are much better prepared for defense.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

You claim to know everything, then?

I don't see what puns have to do with anything.

It sounds like a ludicrous place.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

Not everything. [He demurs and taps the open book in front of him] But I'm working on it.

We find it to be much more interesting than drear Mundania.

[Humfrey grumbles and clears his throat before turning to dig through another pile of knickknacks. After a moment, he brings out an ornate box labeled TEAS.]

There are some teacup roses in the cupboard to your right. Fetch me two ready ones.

[The cupboard will reveal a small plant with several delicate teacups growing in the place of the blossoms.]

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

Information is an effective weapon.

[Liquid will judge your world on the quality of your teas, and god help you if you are found lacking.]

[He has no idea what the gnome is talking about until he opens the cupboard and finds exactly what he described.]

Your world is ridiculous, you know that.

[Even as he picks two cups that look fully-formed.]

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

Ridiculous, but more interesting than Mundania.

[He opens the box, showing an assortment of teas. There's SERENE-TEA, INFINI-TEA, CHARI-TEA, IMMUNI-TEA, INTEGRI-TEA, and SERENDIPI-TEA, along with many others.]

[A teapot complete with hot water is conjured out of a bottle.]

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[Liquid looks at the box and facepalms]

Do you have any varieties that aren't terrible puns?

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

Mundane teas don't last very long, nor do they have good quality.

[He picks out SERENI-TEA and prepares it; before long, there are two cups of tea ready. Humfrey drinks from his and relaxes, becoming serene.]

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[Liquid sips warily. After the stranger, of course. Just because someone has no reason to point you doesn't mean they won't.]

[To his surprise, it's rather good.]

[Liquid finds himself relaxing a little.]

Hm. Not bad. At least your mad world has decent tea.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[The old Magician settles back in his chair, getting comfortable.]

Not all variants are good; it depends on the type you choose. There's the NAS-TEA, which is horribly bitter and gives you a similar attitude, and INSANI-TEA, which drives you mad.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

They're mind-altering?

[resignedly accusatory] There's a variety to go with every noun that ends in -ty, isn't there.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

Of course. If you drink or touch the water from a love spring, for instance, you'll fall in love with the first creature of the opposite sex you see and have the intense desire to summon the stork with them.

[He takes another sip] Only those that can be used as puns.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

Opposite sex? [Liquid huffs something like a laugh.] Your world has certain assumptions coded into the rules of its physics.

["summon the stork" is an interesting euphemism.]

How reassuring. [Yet he can't quite get properly annoyed about it right now.]

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Humfrey quirks an eyebrow at Liquid. Mundanes were difficult to understand, sometimes.]

Such springs are why there are so many crossbreeds in Xanth.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

[Liquid pauses and looks over his tea, examining the odd little man's face.]

[expressionless] Gender is a limiting factor.

But species is not.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

[Sips his tea]

Yes.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

You are from a terrifying country.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

You're Mundane. It's normal to fear what you don't understand. Your kind are even afraid of ghosts, or don't believe in them.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

Ghosts aren't nearly so disturbing as bestiality.

[pauses as he sips his tea] Do you know, that's one thing I've never been called before.

[needs-socks.livejournal.com]

The offspring tend to have some degree of their human parent's intelligence, as well as half of their soul. If they're lucky, they will be able to create their own species like the centaurs, the naga, the merpeople, and the harpies have. That's what the flying centaurs and the new winged goblins are trying to do at the moment.

Those who don't have magic or aren't magic are referred to as Mundanes. Occasionally, a mundane will be able to develop a magic talent if they stay in Xanth long enough, though.

[whyamisobritish.livejournal.com]

How can something have half of a soul?

It sounds like a warped and rather perverted sort of haphazard genetic engineering.

[Liquid leans back thoughtfully in the chair. It's quite comfortable, and he's in a calmer than usual mood.]

Depending on how long and what sort of magic talent, that could make for a useful tactical advantage.