Some cats like water

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Living an honest lifestyle had its downfalls, this old Ocelot was starting to see. Having lied his way through the majority of his life was comfortable enough for him, but now that he had jeprodized two important relationships from being honest and truthful, he was finding it incredibly hard to see the hype. At least when he worked as a triple agent, he managed to gain trust easier and almost always got his way. It was easier to lie. He never imagined that being truthful and not hiding the past would be painful.

Rather than looking for someone to fight to rid the flurry of emotions inside, Ocelot had made his way out into the cruise room. He was standing on the deck of his boat, hands braced on the railings. Being out in the open with the sea wind wipping about his hair made him forget momentarily just how alone he felt in this world.

However, part of him knows that he won't be alone for very long. Entering a room like this usually attracted attention, so he has set up a buffet on the lower deck, along with a bar for cocktails and some lawn chairs were sprawled out should any female company decide to get a tan under the sun.]

Comments

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

I thought we were jumping together?

[He gives Adam a sad smile.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

Even in death, she would hold me responsible.

[He glances over the railing. Yes... It is very tempting.]

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

[John just rests his chin on his arms and stares out to sea in silence.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Adam braces his hand on John's back.]

You will be alright, John.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

_{I haven't been alright for so long, Adam.}

[That touch, no matter how slight it may be, is an great comfort to him.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

I suppose you of all people deserve to be selfish.

_{Though that begs the question; do you really wish to end your life that badly?}

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

[He mutters his words.]

I have far too many things to take care of.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[He shoots him a sideways glance.]

Such as?

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

My family.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

You don't have a selfish bone in your body, do you?

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

...



What?

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

You really should learn to let go once in a while.

What is one thing YOU want to do? If you didn't take into consideration what anyone else thought.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

What I want to do? [He parrots]

Uh...hmm...

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

...


I don't know.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Facepalm.]

_{You are awful at this, John.}

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

<sub>I don't want much, Adam. You know that.

I am a simple man...</sub>

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

You must want something enough to keep living.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

I already told you want I want and what I am, essentially, living for. [The thing that he wants that will keep him alive is for his family to be happy.]

I can't be selfish if I am to continue living. [The thing that he wants that will remove him from existence is death.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

Then it appears you are stuck in a rut.

Learn what it is that makes you happy about having your family.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

...

I am happy when they are happy.

-and

When they are not; I am not.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

Then figure out what makes them happy.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

I am trying.

I am not as good at it as I thought I was, it seems.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

There is only so much you are able to do as a father. But at least knowing what makes them happy will be better for when they are ready to embrace you as a father figure.

I do understand if your patience is waning, however. If they trusted me enough, I would talk to them and help you out.

[His arms hang limply over the side of the railing.]

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I will figure it out on my own.

I am used to doing things on my own; it just takes me a lot longer by myself.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

... Perhaps you are too soft with them.

Being a parent means having a heavy hand at times of need.

[He turned to look at John, clenching his hand into his arm.] You are letting them walk all over you.