Some cats like water

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Living an honest lifestyle had its downfalls, this old Ocelot was starting to see. Having lied his way through the majority of his life was comfortable enough for him, but now that he had jeprodized two important relationships from being honest and truthful, he was finding it incredibly hard to see the hype. At least when he worked as a triple agent, he managed to gain trust easier and almost always got his way. It was easier to lie. He never imagined that being truthful and not hiding the past would be painful.

Rather than looking for someone to fight to rid the flurry of emotions inside, Ocelot had made his way out into the cruise room. He was standing on the deck of his boat, hands braced on the railings. Being out in the open with the sea wind wipping about his hair made him forget momentarily just how alone he felt in this world.

However, part of him knows that he won't be alone for very long. Entering a room like this usually attracted attention, so he has set up a buffet on the lower deck, along with a bar for cocktails and some lawn chairs were sprawled out should any female company decide to get a tan under the sun.]

Comments

[LOL Monday, that's what]

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

Dammit, Adam. It's just not that easy-!

[John facepalms. He seems frustrated and nervous.]

[ffffff]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[He shoots him an impatient glare.]

Stop making excuses.

Re: [ffffff]

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

I'm being honest with you. I am...nervous. I don't understand it, either. I just am.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it is because you love her and care about her opinion.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

...

[Oh, so that's what that is. How can Adam be so sure?]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Because he has first hand experience of knowing what love is.]

[The silence was enough to make him turn on his heel, speaking with a slightly rasped voice.]

I think I'm going to retire to my quarters.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

_{I think...I will do the same.}

[John has a lot to think about.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Bowing his head curtly, Adam took a step back and shuffled his hands into his pockets. He took a casual stroll towards the door leading back out into the hallway.]

_{Goodbye, John.}

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

_{I die a little inside every time you say goodbye to me.}

[Little does John realize...he said that out loud.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

.....

[Adam goes very still. A combination of pain and anger builds inside of him. His hand tightened on the doorknob, shoulders hunched around his ears.]

_{Why did you have to say that?}

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

[Damn-]

_{...because it's true.}

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

_{Well. It looks like you found that selfish bone.}

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

_{I have a selfish bone for you.}

[He huffs...then facepalms. He REALLY didn't mean to say THAT out loud. Damnit.]

_{I need a drink. Now.}

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

What?

No. No, you aren't getting out of this that easily!

[He slams the door shut again, the heat rising in his stomach and chest, fueling his anger.]

You're not allowed to feel like that any more, John. Not when you know how I feel about you.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

My heart betrays my mind.

[John is so conflicted inside. The turmoil in his soul is churning like the inside of an active volcano.]

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

And what is that supposed to mean?

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

My mind betrays my heart.

[He looks to Adam again, finally.]

This...thing you call 'love' is a conundrum. Apparently my heart cannot be shared...and probably shouldn't be.

I've already hurt too many by 'sharing'.

What I should do...I know what I need to to to make things right, but I am not sure if it is what I want to do. The more I think about it, the more I think I shouldn't give anyone my heart. This solution seems more fair to all parties involved. It's the way things were to begin with, anyway.

A man like me; maybe it's better that I am seen as heartless- [John trails off. He's already spilling his soul all over the deck and he stops himself to stave off the bleeding.]

1/3

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Adam stayed still for a long moment.]

2/3

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[He moved across the deck to stand a few footsteps away from John, meeting his eye with his own gaze.]

3/3

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[And promptly slapped him across the face. Hard. It was a little something he had picked up from his mother.]

You are far from heartless. Yes, love means not sharing your heart with more than one person, and yes, both EVA and I have given you ours, but I will not stand idly by and watch you both spiral into unhappiness because of 'fairness'. I may not ever have your heart, but I will not be your guilty conscience for how I feel about you.

[He roughly grabbed John by the coat and forced him to stand up straight.] Figure out your feelings for EVA, whichever one it may be. If you believe it to be love, give her your heart. Obviously she is better suited to the task than I am.

Your children need both of their parents, after all. The two of you go hand in hand. It simply makes sense. All I have done is clouded the chance of your relationship reaching fruition.

[Perhaps his own words had been harsh, maybe making it sound as though he didn't care, but if John was paying any attention to his facial expressions, he would notice that his eyes looked watery.]

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

...

[He can't stand that look in his eye. He heard the man's words but they were nothing but angry grunts, static in his mind, compared to the look in Adam's eyes. That look spoke louder than the slap, or the words, or even the roughness of which he's being handled.]

I don't want to hurt either of you. I can handle staying miserable, but I can't bear to do it to either of you; I just want you to both be happy.

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

[Adam swallowed back the tight feeling in his throat. He finally freed John from his grasp, lowering his hands as his calms began to waver and settle down again.]

Then I will look for happiness elsewhere.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

[John just nods. He knows never to bear his soul to Adam again.]

...

[systemismine.livejournal.com]

I won't say goodbye. But I want you to find her, or at least... what gives you happiness.

[old-papa-john.livejournal.com]

This has little to do with my happiness, Adam.

How I feel is irrelevant at this point. Now it's my duty to her; to make her happy.