Snake found something horrible.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[Snake found this book laying in the hall. Yes. THAT book. You know the one. The one by a certain Raymond Benson.]

[The cover was enough to make him interested.]

[He doesn't get very far in the book before]

What... the... hell...

[He continues on in sheer horror.]

[After a short time he bangs on Liquid(shirtlessinak)'s office]

Read this.

Comments

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

[Looks out from a hole in the mountain of paperwork that has eaten him alive.]

...What is it?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

Just... read.

[He flips it open to a random page and slams it down in front of him. It just HAPPENED to open to the 'come on down' page.]

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

[He starts reading it, half out loud and half to himself.]

The door slid open. Snake rushed out onto the demolished catwalk, sidestepped the hole, and looked down at Liquid and his dangerous toy.

"Solid Snake, come on down!" the FOXHOUND operative called in a mocking game-show-host voice.

...What fourth grade child wrote this trash?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[Shakes his head] I don't know. But they have a way of skewing events.

[He flips the book back toward the beginning and points out:]

He had been dreaming about gathering blueberries and salmonberries with a mind toward feeding the huskies he' been training for the Great Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race when his internal alarm jolted Snake awake.

[Snake seems... particularity upset about this passage.]

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

It looks like it.

[Liquid takes the book back and starts reading.]

"I see someone wearing a duster," Snake whispered, his Codec picking up the words. "I think it might be Revolver Ocelot."

"Can you get a positive ID?" Campbell asked, his voice somewhere in the recesses of Snake's ears.

The man in the trench coat stepped into the elevator and turned around, facing Snake.

"Negative. Wait. He turned this way. Colonel, it's not Ocelot."

It was the leader himself--Liquid Snake.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[Snake groans and sits down across from him and holds his head in his hands.]

...

[Groooaan]

[He leans back with his hands still on his face.]

[At a total loss for words he just goes]

GAH!

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

[Liquid puts a hand on Snake's shoulder and tries to comfort him.]

Well, at least it didn't say you were born in a cave.

[He looks down at the book and looks at the pages it's open to.]

...oh you have got to be kidding me!

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[Takes his hands away from his face.]

...You born in that damn cave with me.

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

[Sighs] Yes, I know that. I don't have to be happy about it though.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[Shakes his head.]

[flips through the book]

You love swatting down flies.

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

[Flips a couple pages later.]

You called up a member of your support team to brag about finding a Stinger.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[growls a little]

You told me to 'Come on down.'

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

[Opens back up to the beginning of the book and glares as he starts reading.]

But I've done more than three sentries.

...Do you want to tell me something, Brother?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[Snake scowls back. He's out of book related come backs.]

That didn't happen!

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

Of course it didn't.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

... It didn't!

[shirtlessinak.livejournal.com]

Right. I believe you, Brother.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

...

I hate you, Liquid.

[xmas-is-here.livejournal.com]

You've... found my biography. I was looking everywhere for that.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

...

[xmas-is-here.livejournal.com]

What? Benson came highly recommended. You don't think I was going to let Sam Fisher show me up, do you?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

...

[xmas-is-here.livejournal.com]

Benson can go overboard on the metaphors, but it's not like what we do is high poetry anyway.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

... uh huh

[xmas-is-here.livejournal.com]

I don't suppose you'll be happy knowing there's a movie coming out based on that book.

In my world, at least.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

No. No I'm not.

[jadedmercenary.livejournal.com]

What the hell is that?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[passes the book to him]

Skewed representation of events.

[jadedmercenary.livejournal.com]

[He skims through it and just sort of pauses every few minutes.]

What the hell...
Even if the files were declassified couldn't they pick a biographer who passed something higher than fourth grade English?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

It only gets worse.

[Shakes his head and grumbles]

[jadedmercenary.livejournal.com]

...I never thought Liquid was Ocelot!

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Me neither.

[crosses his arms and leans back in his chair.]

[jadedmercenary.livejournal.com]

Did this man even look at the files?

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

Looks like he only read the codec conversations. And even that's a little iffy.

I don't remember calling Nastasha that much.

[jadedmercenary.livejournal.com]

Me neither.

...and I never fed berries to my dogs. I don't think he owns dogs. That would make them throw up.

[legendarysolid.livejournal.com]

[nods]

Berries aren't good for dogs. Seal fat is better for sled dogs. And you don't use huskies in the Iditarod.

[jadedmercenary.livejournal.com]

Huskies aren't built for the Iditarod.
Malamutes and mixes are much better.