Busy busy busy

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[An Otacon is sat in the Philanthropy offices. He's not consumed by the computer for once. Instead, he has various sheets of paper surrounding him, all fanned out and ready to be used as a keen source of information. The fact that him and legendarysolid have been led to believe that Big Boss was planning something provoked an eager wish to find out more, to see if their hunch was true.]

[In the dark vicinity of the room, Otacon mutters to himself, his cup of coffee going untouched and cooling by the second.]

So far, the blueprints seem to be making up a vehicle of sorts. I'd be concerned about a Metal Gear in process, but it looks too focused on a cockpit rather than a robot built on such a large scale.

[He pencils something on the blueprints.] I guess he could be misleading us on purpose but why would he do that so far in advance? _{More of a replica of a tank than anything else... Or maybe a helicopter without the propellas.}

[He huffed out a sigh, removing his glasses. His eyes were starting to hurt from the intensity of his work pace. Anyone that knew Otacon would understand his dedication to his work. It would take a lot to persuade him to stop, but you can try.]

Comments

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

I know, Hal. But I doubt that Liquid or David would be happy to see you pushing yourself this far.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[His body goes still. He dares not to turn his head. Instead, he responds with the bare hint of his voice, straining with the mix of emotions and the familiarity of that voice from so long ago.]

_Julie?

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[He turns around, disbelieving.]

... W-What are you doing here?

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

Apparently making sure you don't run yourself into the ground, Hal.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[He could feel the color start to drain from his already pale face. His fingers tightened in his jeans as he shied away from Julie's once provocative gaze.]

_{I... I'm fine. No need to w-worry about me.}

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

Of course I need to worry. [She pushes herself away from the door, closer to him] You're pushing yourself too far. Are you eating properly? Sleeping?

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[Hal's voice became tight as his heartbeat increased. He desperately looked to the door, hoping that he wouldn't be trapped in here alone with Julie. His fingers trembled as he turned away, clasping his hands into the various sheets of paper.]

_{S-Stop pretending that you care.}

[His stomach wrenched as the cold feeling washed over him, remembering his past.]

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

I always cared. I know what happened. To my husband, to my baby girl... the ones that love you here are very clear about what I did.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

I tried to bury what happened in the past.

I can't...

_{I don't want to remember again.}

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

... eat something and rest, Hal. It'll still be here once you wake. Once you're done, if you're willing... I'll be here to talk.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[Hal just nodded in silence, but he didn't appear to be moving anywhere. He suddenly didn't feel very hungry, and now these memories had surfaced to the front of his brain, he would find it difficult to sleep.]

[He sighed shakily, hunching over his desk.]

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

[turns away to leave] ...

You may not believe me, Hal, but I do love you. Over the time that I got to know you, and eventually- I found that I do care deeply about you. Your... um. Boyfriends. They probably feel the same. We want you to be well. Happy. Healthy. So Hal... take care of yourself. We who love you will appreciate it.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

_{Boyfriends? What...?}

[Hal squeezed his eyes shut, those words drilling into his heart like a painful knife.]

I can't believe that you care that much. You... You got married again. You just wanted to take advantage of me.

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

... I didn't know. H-how long after...?

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

I didn't keep track... Too soon. You moved back to England with E.E.

I... lost contact with you guys. I couldn't bare the guilt, or own up, or act responsible for my actions.

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

... why do I feel that's the same reason I remarried again and left?

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

...

_{Are you saying you weren't ever in love with dad?}

[His voice was still strained, and timid.]

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

I... was. At one time, I was frivolously and irresponsibly in love with him. I- was so lonely. Such an idiot.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[That timidity and anxiety was beginning to heat up into something more protective. He clenched his hands tightly into his paper.]

You were an idiot for falling in love with him?

Do you realize how happy you made him? I know he was too busy with his work and not as responsive to intimacy as most people, but...

[He grit his teeth, feeling ashamed.] He loved you.

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

I married too soon, for the wrong reasons. I loved him, but I don't know if marrying him was the right idea. Not with how often he wasn't there. Not with how weak I was to my own emotions.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

[Hal winced. His heart wouldn't stop aching.]

_{So you did just turn to me out of your own confusion.}

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

My own weakness, drawn to another as lonely as I. I didn't know it'd become that... just that you were so happy when talking to me. That I was... happy.

[hikikomorihal.livejournal.com]

At the time, I was happy. But... I can't forgive myself for his death. His...

[He gulped.]

_{His suicide. It was all my fault...}

[sayingunfeeling.livejournal.com]

Was it?

... I fought with him. Said some nasty... blame the correct person, Hal. Unless you also fought with him, I doubt you had any impact on what happened.