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starofchaos) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fissionmailed2011-01-01 12:02 am
starofchaos) wrote in fissionmailed2011-01-01 12:02 am
Entry tags:
And this is why dating Ocelot leads to awkward situations
[Liquid Snake is not a man who is prone to vices beyond combat and chocolate. And Ocelot of course. The problem with dating a Russian, however, was that they tended to be quite insistent when it came to the virtues of drink. Liquid generally did ignore those insistences - except for today.
Which is why visitors to the bar will find him sitting on top of the drinks cabinet, still holding his latest glass and looking oddly cheerful. Most people would be confused about this - until they heard him speak, that is.]
Alla you... you peons and normal peoples and Ocelots. You all don't know nothin'. No, no, wait, thatsh not the right way to shtart off a speech.
[He clears his throat.]
PEOPLES OF THE NEXUS, OUTER HEAVEN, SHADOW MOSES, IRAQ, FRANCE, SWITZERLAND AND WHEREVER THE BLOODY HELL YOU TWATS COME FROM. I... HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!
[Tilting his head back, he takes a deep drink from his glass.]
...an' I just forgot what it wash. I...blame the Patriots. THEY DID IT ALL. They must have fixed my nanomachinesh to erase my memoriesh of thish. Yes, that is what it is. Damn them! ...except not Ocelot 'cause he gives me sexings and I kinda love him. An' nobody better say a damn thing or else I'll kick their asses. I don't give a damn any more who knows. It's stupid to hide. Nothin' to fear 'cept... carrots. I don't like carrot. They're orange, so I should like them, but they taste like I'm eating dead skin cells or something. NOBODY DARE SHOW ME A CARROT. I will HURT it. Although they look funny on Snowmen. Back in the SAS one of the idiots used to go around and switch all of the carrots on the snowmen lower down. That was stupid. What an idiot. 'specially when he messed with the general's daughter's snowman that he built 'specially for him. Hah, I never heard a grown man cry before that. Dumbass.
I... had a point to this.
[He clears his throat again.]
Friends, enemies, relatives and whatever other percentage of people fits in the rest of the pie chart. Why is it even called a pie chart? Because it's round? Because you cut slices out of it? Same with most cheeses! Why isn't it called a cheese chart? [Another deep swig.] Anyway, it doesn't matter- because the point is- MERRY NEWYEARMAS TO ALL OF YOU SLICES OF CHEESE OR PIE OR WHATEVER IN BUGGERY YOU WANT TO BE!
[And with that he flips off of it, landing in an ungainly heap, and pulls himself to his feet.]
You didn't see that!
(Open. Feel free to just idle in the bar or bother Ocelot and Drunkquid.)
Which is why visitors to the bar will find him sitting on top of the drinks cabinet, still holding his latest glass and looking oddly cheerful. Most people would be confused about this - until they heard him speak, that is.]
Alla you... you peons and normal peoples and Ocelots. You all don't know nothin'. No, no, wait, thatsh not the right way to shtart off a speech.
[He clears his throat.]
PEOPLES OF THE NEXUS, OUTER HEAVEN, SHADOW MOSES, IRAQ, FRANCE, SWITZERLAND AND WHEREVER THE BLOODY HELL YOU TWATS COME FROM. I... HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!
[Tilting his head back, he takes a deep drink from his glass.]
...an' I just forgot what it wash. I...blame the Patriots. THEY DID IT ALL. They must have fixed my nanomachinesh to erase my memoriesh of thish. Yes, that is what it is. Damn them! ...except not Ocelot 'cause he gives me sexings and I kinda love him. An' nobody better say a damn thing or else I'll kick their asses. I don't give a damn any more who knows. It's stupid to hide. Nothin' to fear 'cept... carrots. I don't like carrot. They're orange, so I should like them, but they taste like I'm eating dead skin cells or something. NOBODY DARE SHOW ME A CARROT. I will HURT it. Although they look funny on Snowmen. Back in the SAS one of the idiots used to go around and switch all of the carrots on the snowmen lower down. That was stupid. What an idiot. 'specially when he messed with the general's daughter's snowman that he built 'specially for him. Hah, I never heard a grown man cry before that. Dumbass.
I... had a point to this.
[He clears his throat again.]
Friends, enemies, relatives and whatever other percentage of people fits in the rest of the pie chart. Why is it even called a pie chart? Because it's round? Because you cut slices out of it? Same with most cheeses! Why isn't it called a cheese chart? [Another deep swig.] Anyway, it doesn't matter- because the point is- MERRY NEWYEARMAS TO ALL OF YOU SLICES OF CHEESE OR PIE OR WHATEVER IN BUGGERY YOU WANT TO BE!
[And with that he flips off of it, landing in an ungainly heap, and pulls himself to his feet.]
You didn't see that!
(Open. Feel free to just idle in the bar or bother Ocelot and Drunkquid.)