http://elisula.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] elisula.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fissionmailed 2010-08-21 08:32 pm (UTC)

[Elisa sighs. Once again, she has to tell this already-difficult-to-explain story; this time likely resulting in even more confusion, seeing as Null had never witnessed the effects of the Mirror Room himself, before.]

What you saw... in a way, was what it looked like. But I... I would never do something like that normally. You know that, right? ...I love life far too much to do so.

That day, I walked into a place called "The Mirror Room", which would usually completely flip the personality of whoever walked into it. But, I think the room got confused somewhere due to the fact that I have... er... the thing with Ursula. 2 separate personalities... [She really hates acknowledging her mental disorder directly.]

Anyway- Ursula and I are obviously very different. But I wouldn't exactly call us "opposites". The room's effect is supposed to more-or-less make you the opposite of who you are. I guess the personality I had that day was the closest that the room could get to a complete change of both of our personalities.

Despite our differences, there are some things that Ursula and I both feel similarly about. For example- Nuclear weapons. ...And the way we both value and appreciate the lives we have. After I left the mirror room; suddenly... it changed. I no longer felt my usual optimism or love of life. Nor did I feel Ursula's strong pride and willingness to continue on...

I just felt confused, and scared. I felt like I had no one. Like there was no point in living- like I wasn't even worthy of life.

...I'd never been driven to that point of despair before. And obviously... I didn't handle it very well.

[Elisa furrows her brow] ...It was a stupid mistake. I never should have entered that room. ...I'm so sorry, Null...

[A moment of hesitation]

If you... if you still don't want to be with me, I'll understand. I just had to explain myself...

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